The Making

My most carnal prayer requests

Dear Lord,

I know I’m supposed to be pure and holy; made in your image and likeness. I really am on that path but I have a couple of things I need to ask:

Can you please make me great at sex? I’m definitely waiting till my wedding day but can you make me and him have the time of our lives because you’re the reason I know next to nothing?
Will you make me a bit shorter? I like to think that I’ve come to terms with my height and I’m confident but it’ll be really cool if you took a couple of inches off
Can you please make me super rich? I know I tried to deceive you in the past; saying I’ll use most of the money to help the poor but you know how things can be on earth.
I really don’t know if football is your thing but can you cause something weird to happen so that Liverpool won’t be able to claim their place as premier league champions?

Twinkle little star

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.

I wonder if you’ll crack under pressure and return to your old, unshinny ways. If you’ll fold up and wait for Mama Star to come find you.

I wonder if the little time you’ve spent as a shiny star has gotten to your head and made you arrogant. Little Star, some days I really do wonder about you.

Do I wonder because I care or am I just a busybody? Little star, maybe you should beware of me. Do you ever wonder about? Or think of me at all?

I think not! While I danced to the beat of some of the most soulful songs of the 70’s & 80’s, I had an epiphany. It’s funny because I wasn’t even drinking, so I guess this is divine. What I’m about to tell came directly from the Grapevine. Are you ready ?!

There’s no such thing as authenticity. Everything is inspired by something. You guys have no idea how fast I’m typing rn and it’s not even because I’m trying to match the beat of the song I’m listening to. We’re in the year 2020 and nothing we do can ever be authentic; all the base work has already been done, so everything we do now is based on some sort of premise.

Are you disappointed ? Did you think you were original ? One of a kind ? Well I’m sorry to burst your Disney-inspired bubble but even your reaction to situations isn’t authentic, it’s based on your socialization (family, school) or the movies you watch.

I think this is why for so many years, I was confused about how to react to certain things. When people offend me, my first instinct is “wow, how disappointing” however I’ve been influenced by others who get angry, so sometimes my mind tells me to act angry when I’m not.

There’s no such thing as “new and improved” when it comes to music, technology, or life hacks, it’s simply “improved“, it’s not new. From our dance steps, to the way we speak, and even how we feel when we listen to music is influenced or inspired by something. It’s so incredible how many musicians sample old music, mostly because it has all been done already and if you find something somewhat new, trust me it’s built on something old.

So, dear content creators, you’re doing well, if you like someone’s idea and you decide to improve on it, that’s great, just make sure you give them credit and don’t kill yourself trying to produce something out of nothing or “authentic”

God is the ultimate Creator and the Bible was inspired by him.

Dear Christian content creators, because the Holy Spirit gives you amazing ideas doesn’t make you better than anyone or more authentic than they. The ideas are still inspired by someone; the Holy Spirit, so stop raising your shoulders. (this paragraph applies to content creators that happen to be Christians and content creators putting out Christian content)

Me, my body & I

Time and time again,

I say I don’t care,

but suddenly, I feel weak, drowsy,

and can’t seem to leave my cocoon; called room.

I say I’m okay and even try to force a smile,

but somehow I can’t manage to keep it plastered.

My body betrays me.

I scream at it!

If you are not for me, then you are against me.

Why have you made me vulnerable?

Are we not me?

So why do you seek to destroy me by revealing what our mind hides?

How can such an integral part of me be programmed to hurt me?

We are not me,

There’s me, there is my body and there is I.

Me, my body and I.

The Unknown

For someone who’s afraid of the unknown, I’ve never been scared of death. Maybe its because I’m not completely in the dark about what happens when we die.
When we die, it stops. Everything stops; the pain, the pleasure, even the emptiness. I believe that death is the end of life here and I guess that gives me some sort of pleasure.
I believe that life on earth can be a little extra sometimes and I would like to take a break from it every now and again. Maybe that’s what people in a coma get; a break from having to live. Now that I think about it, they just might be the luckiest bunch on the planet.
I think I’m more scared of not living to the fullest than I am of dying. That’s why people make statements like “I can’t die yet, I haven’t had sex”, (I’m not one of those people), but I guess it means they aren’t really scared of dying, they’re just not ready to go yet because they haven’t lived life to the “fullest”. Before I die, I’d like to make this boy I’m talking to, fall in love with me. Fingers crossed.
There’s a timeframe between dying and going to Heaven, where I’m not quite sure what happens and that’s okay because I’m learning to accept the unknown for what it is. Unknown !

This might just be the last time I write about fear of the unknown because the Holy Spirit is working in me to make sure I know that God is in control and that I trust Him in all circumstances; unknown or otherwise

When pigs fly

Where on earth is Dumbo?

If you had told me about the corona virus a year ago, I probably would’ve thought you were joking because “that’s never gonna happen!”, but here I am, three weeks into a nationwide lockdown and all I can think about are things that could never ever happen. Here’s my list

Beyonce making an appearance on Keeping up with the Kardashians
Liverpool winning more league titles than United
Admitting that you hate Drake simply because you want to be him
Marriage will be seen for what it really is
Maive will finally put herself first and stop dicking around with her future
Depression will be cured by an over-the-counter medication
Kim admitting that her butt was bought and paid for
Ice Prince will become relevant again
Arsenal will win a league title
We’ll admit that the UN can’t do shit without us
Issa and Lawrence will get back together
Capitalism will be eradicated (I might actually die if this happens, but it’ll never happen)
Agreeing that Trump is the best thing that happened to comedians and modern day America
We’ll admit that Rihanna’s career thrives on mystery and sex appeal (I love her, she’s a great human)

That’s me and Mo’s list, if you don’t like it, write yours.

Leave comments about what you think could never happen in the comments section.

Be safe!

Moving forward

I made a promise to you and I; to never stop moving forward.

On my lowest days, I look back to see if you’re running in the right direction and I smile to myself knowing that you are. You’ve run so far ahead of me that my attempts to keep up with you almost made me stop moving entirely.

I made a promise and I intend to keep it. We agreed to keep moving; we didn’t last long enough to talk about how; so while you ran, I ended up strolling, but seeing you run made me take incredibly large strides and now, thankfully, I’m on the verge of running.

As the days go by, I’ve come to realize that we give completely different meanings to the phrase “moving forward”. You believe it’s okay to leave me behind; you consider me useless because I can no longer run beside you. I, on the other naïve hand believe it’s a relay and I seem to cheer you on simply because you’re the one with the baton.

I made a promise to you and I, so pass me the baton and eat dust.

A note to picture X

The Invincible man

One Saturday morning, I was sitting in the backseat as my dad drove to the hospital. We were pulled over by some police officers; we were supposed to be at home observing the environmental sanitation, not driving down the road. My dad wound down his window and slickly stuck out his medical card, I’m not sure of what exactly the card said but the officer soon found himself apologizing and waving my dad away; it made him invincible. That day, I looked at my dad with new found respect, he was basically an untouchable superhuman; I mean he saves lives for a living.

Fast-forward a couple of years

The shine on my father’s superhuman custom was beginning to wear-off, he stopped looking extra-terrestrial. Soon, he looked like everybody else; mistake-prone and selfish, but I couldn’t just accept this new image of him. I had made up my mind that he was either a hero or a villain, there was no middle ground in my book; his fall was so great that even Humpty Dumpty turned to looked at him with pity; he’d fallen under the villain category and there was no getting out. It was a life sentence

Fast-forward a couple of years

The man I once called daddy was being let out on parole; Jesus had decided that he was worthy of my love and there was nothing I could do about it. I struggled, cried and begged, however not my will, but your will be done, Lord. I do not know this stranger; I do not want to know this stranger. What could I possibly have in common with an ex-convict? I forgive once, but find myself having trouble forgetting.

I WRITE BECAUSE I REMEMBER,

I WRITE BECAUSE I FEEL PAIN…

Telenovela-type problems

Sometimes I’m lazy, other times; it’s hard to be productive because everything is just unnecessarily difficult. I long for the days where life is simple and my most pressing problem is what charity I want to donate to or deciding who I want to cast as the lead in my movie.

Honestly, I really don’t mind if things are hard, what I can’t tolerate though is boring problems. The problems I deal with right now are not encouraging at all, they’re such unadventurous problems. In the midst of this pandemic, how is it that I’m most worried about not having a laptop to edit videos, I’m not worried about dying a virgin or never being able to fulfill my dreams. Heck I’m not even worried about the virus, but I‘m here panicking because I can’t edit. I’d like to have tear-jerking problems or rich people problems, I’ve decided that my life must either be a telenovela or a reality show; there really is no place for mediocrity in my world.

In life I don’t think we can ever be truly free of hardship, but what I’d like to know is why I don’t get to choose my own problems. I promise if God allowed me to choose my problems I’d make it worthwhile, my problems would be fun and exhilarating, I won’t choose boring, and mundane stuff like contemplating whether or not to get a Masters degree. I’d be out here figuring out whether Marcus Rashford or Tomi O was the man for me (they’d both be in love with me obviously, irl they’re not)

Believe me if my problems included deciding what to say whilst accepting my well-deserved Oscar or choosing between cutting off my bestfriend for moving to my sister’s baby daddy or sticking with said friend, I’d be thrilled.

However, over the past couple of years I’ve been told that the grass is always greener on the other side. I don’t believe any of that bull because there’s no way you can convince me that Beyonce would look at my life and say “Damn I wish my biggest problem in life is deciding whether or not to use my last 2000 naira to buy food”

Stop asking about my sexual orientation!

I think it’s weird that most conversations entail the question, “ARE YOU GAY?” it’s such a rude and absurd question. If you’re not trying to get with me, then I see no reason why you should ask me that ….PERIOD!

Many people need to understand that gender and sexual orientation are two different things. Yes, the determination of your sexual orientation is dependent on your gender, but it’s just sex. Why is who I’m attracted to so important to you? When did it become okay to ask strangers, “Who are you having sex with?”

I think the main question we should be asking ourselves right now is “HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY?” In my dictionary, there is only male, female and non-binary. Do not think I’m not leaving out my TRANS brothers and sisters because I believe they also fall into one of the categories; their either transitioning to male or female. The only reason we should even ask the question of identity is to find out what makes the person comfortable.

So it’s not okay to ask me if I’m a lesbian because you’re simply asking me who I’m having sex with or who I’m sexually attracted to, and if we don’t have some form of relationship (family, friend) and you’re not trying to sleep with me, then I don’t understand how that is any of your concern. I think the whole idea of coming out might no longer be needed because heterosexuals don’t have to tell their family “Mom Dad, I’m straight”, your sex life should be between you and your partner. I’d like to give humanity some credit; believing that we’ve moved beyond being surprised or hateful in cases of homosexuality.

It’s important for people to speak out about how they identify and what they want to be addressed as, so as to get the treatment they deserve. I saw a video of a guy ranting about Dwayne Wade’s daughter; Zaya and I got so confused. Zaya simply identifies as female and has made no statement about her sexual orientation, so why is this ranting man talking about “not cutting off her d***”? On the other hand, interviewers also need to stop asking celebrities about their sex life because quite frankly, it’s none of our concern and we need to take the pressure off celebrities who think it’s necessary to share such information.

As an individual, who’s led by the Holy Spirit, I love everyone regardless of their identity and sexual orientation; I also understand what it feels like to have desires that seem unusual to society, thankfully they’re being checked by the Holy Spirit. Having had those desires, all I can say is if the Holy Spirit has my back, He definitely has yours.